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Okay, first you have to watch the video. It’s okay, I’ll wait…
You know what I like about this clip? Even though the joke is supposed to be “heh heh horny old ladies”, Bea Arthur, Charlotte Rae and Katherine Helmond totally OWN that tired premise and make it awesome. (The less said of Sally Struthers the better - what is she even doing in this skit, anyway? Why didn’t they get Angela Lansbury?) Yes, yes, Ms. Arthur looks like Baby Jane, but that’s such a hideous wig I doubt that Sarah Jessica Parker herself would do any better in it. These three ladies may be most familiar as 80’s sitcom stars, but they’re all respected, Tony award winning stage actresses. When they make their way past that velvet rope they look like they expect and deserve it, and when they get bored with their dingbat arm candy - well, who can blame them?
I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say that our culture is a wee bit negative about older women and sex. I mean, sure, not too many folks are begging Abe Vigoda to get naked, but it’s far more accepted for a man to marry a woman much younger than himself - and of course he has to do that if he is to be able to have sex with someone, right? Because otherwise there would be only old women to have sex with - eeeeuwww! (It goes without saying that I’m speaking solely I’m speaking of heterosexuals right now. Queers would never be ageist, right? Right? ) On top of that, ladies, if you are over the age of 25 you sure as heck better not look it, or you’re going right into MILF territory - if you’re lucky. If you’re not found sexually attractive by the staff of the US Weekly (who seem to think that Demi Moore is a wizened old crone, so good luck with that) then you are not allowed to be sexual. If you are, you are a gross pervert who makes us think terrible thoughts about naked, frolicking old ladies.
I’ll be the first to admit that I get squicked out by the thought of my mom having sex. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a right to it, doggone it! And there’s no reason you should get squicked out by the thought of my mom having sex, at least not any more than you do by the thought of anyone else having sex. In the immortal words of George Michael “Sex is natural, sex is fun!” (Okay, I’m pretty sure I added the exclamation point myself. But he should have put it in originally. Consider it a correction.) Now that I think about it, we live in a constant bath of sex and sexual images (if you’re not in America don’t get too excited, it’s not as awesome as it sounds) - denying the older folks their sexuality is a bit like taking your mother out to dinner at a fancy-shmancy restaurant and then telling her she can only have Kraft Mac & Cheese because at her age she shouldn’t be thinking about things like delicious steak and baby greens with heirloom tomatoes and goat cheese, and cheesecake and… where was I?
Oh yes, older women. They’re not dead yet, folks! Let’s not try to make them act like they are, okay? Doubt me? Check out this video of Bea Arthur and tell me that’s not hot.
If you’re interested in what an actual knowledgeable person has to say on the matter, check out Better Than I Ever Expected by Joan Price. Or you can read the introduction here.
