Mood Creams, Shmood Creams
By Red Delicious • Jan 17th, 2008 • Category: Books & Videos, SESA, clit, sex tipsOkay folks… I hope I don’t offend anyone but I have to vent about my biggest pet peeve in this job:
When customers ask for gimmicky “aphrodisiacs” (not the right word, I know, but can’t think of a better one)…
We’re talking mood creams, orgasm pills, anti-ejaculation spray, anal desensitizers, etc. It drives me berserk when people ask me for this stuff and let me tell you why. Sex takes time folks, you’ve got to work to get the reward. And why wouldn’t you want sex to take time, it’s so much fun. I wish I had more time to spend whole days doin’ it: lingering, quick, rough, tender, vanilla, kinky, one, two, three people at a time. Besides the results are so much better when you take your time to really enjoy your partner(s). It gives you time to tease and build and explode, over and over and over again.
Okay, so really, I understand why folks ask me for these things. Everyone wants to be sexually satisfied. Some folks aren’t and think these things might help them be. I hate to break it to you though, there’s no pill you can pop, no cream you can slather on that will immediately make your sex life incredible. You’ll have more luck renting a video, buying a book, and grabbing a new toy. But for learning’s sake let’s talk a little about each of these gimmicks and see if I can’t find an actual solution from right here in the store.
Mood Creams: I get asked for these a lot. From both women and they’re partners and I have to say mostly straight folks. The underlying dilemma here is that the chick isn’t always in the mood when the guy is. Possible reasons? Different sex drives, relationship issues, personal baggage, lack of sexual gratification (on her part, guys), not enough sleep, and even some medications can curb sexual appetites. My prescription? Erotica. Porn. Ask her what she wants between the sheets. Settle arguments. Communicate. See a counselor. Add some kink. Get a new toy. Make compromises. Talk to a doctor. Get some good rest. Take some time to seduce your parnter. Compliment her. Tell her at least once a day how fucking hot she is. See if that doesn’t put her in the mood.
Orgasm Pills: This is what people ask for when they’re having trouble coming. Again mostly this is women asking and they want a quick fix or an easy button. Trouble is, there isn’t one. There are many road blocks to climax: anxiety, lack of proper stimulation, low sensitivity, medications, not enough build-up, lack of lubrication, etc. At least here there are plenty of options that can help. Got anxiety? Try sensual massage, meditate, or talk to a counselor. Not being stimulated properly? Tell your partner what you like. Remember how you come when you masturbate. Try a new method (vibration, penetration, oral, rubbing, etc). Don’t feel anything? Try a pump or a vibe or both. Suction can bring more blood into your clit which will make it more sensitive. Better yet, have your partner create a little suction for you. In really severe cases you can talk to a doctor about options similar to Viagra for men. I don’t know what’s out there but I have heard some women say Viagra makes their clit more sensitive. That’s one gimmick I’m not ready to debunk, just cause I don’t know enough. Lack of build up? Slow things down. Spend longer periods of time talking dirty, making out, rubbing up on each other, and having oral sex. And lastly, if your just not getting wet enough add some lube for goodness sake! There’s like a million different kinds out there.
Anti-ejaculation Spray: This is almost the opposite request from above. Guys frequently come in asking if we carry products that will make them have an everlasting erection. My response? Sorry, bros, but no. And all the anti-ejaculation sprays out there are just topical numbing agents. Do you know what that means? That means you won’t be able to feel the pussy, ass, or mouth your fucking… Lame. Technically, Viagra is actually capable of making an erection last a bit longer than it normally would, but it’s a drug and it’s really meant for folks who are having actual problems making through even one round. And even so, you should be getting it through a licensed physician, not over the counter from your local sex shop. So how then do you last longer? Well, for one: practice. Try to learn more about your sexual response signals. Try the stop and go exercise… Masturbate or fuck until right before you think your gonna come and then stop and do something else for a bit- rub your chest or tweak your nipples; hell go down on your partner again for a bit. Then when you’ve calmed down some, rinse and repeat. You can also pick up a book, a very specific book: Mantak Chia’s Multi-Orgasmic Man. Read that and then ask me again.
Anal desensitizers: Similar to the aforementioned product, these are numbing agents. Let me be quite frank with you. Numbing agent + Ass = BAD. “Why?” you ask. “Doesn’t it make it easier to put things in my butt?” No actually, that’s what lube is for. Numbing agents will not make it easier to shove a dick or a giant plug up your butt… You just won’t be able to feel your skin tear from too much too fast too soon. Have no fear though, lube works wonders for ass play. Butts like slippery fingers and toys much better than dry ones. Another thing to remember is that the ass needs to exercise before it can work with the really big visitors. Start small and work your way up to said dick or giant plug. Trust me, Belladonna had to practice to become the ass-champion she is today. Also, relax. Your butt is a tension epicenter and needs time to chill out before accommodating any guests. Helpful relaxation methods? Rimming, external vibration, sensual massage, even meditation… Whatever works for you, just take your time so you can feel the fabulousness and not get hurt.
Okay, that’s my rant for today… Hope you enjoyed!
Sincerely,
~*~Red~*~
Oh and P.S. Your Sex Tip of the Day: Next time you get hot and heavy challenge yourself to make-out out with your partner as long as possible before reaching in for the naughty bits. That means clothes on, kissing and rubbing only. You may also whisper naughties into each other’s ear, but that’s it! See how wet and hard you can get just by doing that… By the time you get around to the main dish(es), you’ll be guaranteed an incredible time.
Red Delicious is a blogger here at Good Vibrations!
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I totally hear you on this… it makes me sad that people believe this sort of thing works and that is somehow pleasurable…like it’s magic.
ohh, people and their pills.
p.s. this was awesome and I feel exactly the same way.
This is a really sad reality, and a risky one too. People wanting the magic pill that will make them feel good, look good, be strong, be fast, be smart, meet God, be God, all without the work. Kids in junior-high taking steroids to get bigger, others taking coke or meth to feel sexier and last longer, and yuppies taking on yoga and meditation hoping to become the new Buddha or the new Tara, and claiming spirituality. Fast food nations, fast mood fashions.
There is definitively a lack of quality education here. It is sad and yet good that they come to you (GV) with such questions, as your SESAs are definitively the best source of information for them. I could not expect the same kind of direction and support in many other sex shops (online or on the street). Now, if the world of sex ed’ had the budget of the tobacco, alcohol, or even pharmaceutical industries, it would be great to see some good sex ed’ ads in the papers and programs on TV like I see and enjoy in France and other countries. Oh, wait… what am saying? Sex, education, and money? I must be out of my mind.
Joke apart, I feel this sort of ignorance is as risky as the one around drugs and other touchy subjects. Lots of information, and a buttload of mis-information. It is sad that people believe in such magic products because of a lack of education.
I do agree with the fact that they should take their time by discovering themselves and their lovers, reading more, and trying out a few toys or movies; but sometimes an uneducated mind cannot accomplish much regardless of the information offered. Take anal sex: how many people believe that it happens like regular intercourse, with little to no preparation? Sometimes, movies or even the best information can be poorly interpreted. There is a real need to reach for the masses (i.e. children and adults) to teach them how to /evaluate/ and consider the information they have access to (educational vs. recreational). To all SESAs and GV-like stores around: keep up the great work. For all the people coming into your shops with sometimes sad questions like those mentioned in your post, certainly a few of them will leave the shop more educated, and might discover the true joys of sex with a few good toys, a few good books or videos, and some good advice =) Cheers
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As i was reading your post, i was hoping that it would include something the ‘female sexual enhancement’ products that are out there. I won’t name any of them here, but there are a lot of choices (lotions, ointments, pills,etc.) if you search for that term. Do you or anyone out there have a recommendation based on ACTUAL USE, not because you’re selling it. Thanks very much.
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[...] dear Natalie… I’m afraid you missed the entire point of this post {Mood Creams, Shmood Creams}. I do know of the ‘female sexual enhancement’ products out there, as seen on late [...]
This one’s for the girls: your gyn can prescribe a testosterone cream to rub on your clit. Been there, done that … and I would say it at least sort of worked.