First, as Anal Sex Month draws to a close, my favorite anal-centric store encounter:

Me, standing behind the counter, ringing up a young woman who was maybe 22 or 26 or something like that. Was she buying a turbo glider, or a lady luster? Who cares, this is besides the point. She has brown hair. Her friend is a red head. Brown Hair listens to my “vibrator info” minute, nodding a little bit. Red Head says “ask her, she’ll know”. I think “of course I’ll know.”

What’s the question?

“Um, well, is, um, is anal sex good for you?”

Usually when customers ask this question, they are thinking about having anal sex but have heard lots of scary things about it, like you’ll be diarreah-ing all over the place (untrue), you’ll forever stretch out your asshole (untrue), or that only dirty nasty girls let their boyfriends have anal sex with them (again, untrue; however, many people get turned on by anal sex because it does have a dirtier, nastier, naughtier reputation. So the myth about anal sex being dirty can be both terribly untrue and delightfully true.).

“Well, anal sex isn’t bad for you at all if you use lots of lube and start slowly, and actually, we have one book (Anal Pleasure and Health) that explains how lots of people hold lots of stress in their asshole, and clench it without even thinking about it. So, according to the author and his research, yeah, anal sex is good for you, because relaxing those muscles and getting pleasure out of them is like getting a great massage in a place you wouldn’t really expect it.”

I pause. Wait for her response. Brown Hair thinks about this for a second, smiles, and then turns and smacks Red Head in the arm, and says “That’s why I was in such a good mood the other day!!”

Taste Test:

A woman asked the other day for a way to make her pussy taste better. She wanted something that she could inject into her vaginal canal, so that when she was being licked by her husband the flavor would slide out and he would be happy. Yum.

My answer, and my thoughts:

step 1: in order to change something, you have to know what you’re working with. Many women are afraid that they smell bad or taste bad or look bad, but in fact haven’t really smelled or tasted or looked at themselves. Get in there. Sniff your panties, lick your fingers, squat over a mirror. I’m serious. If you don’t know what you smell, taste, and look like now, you won’t know a) what your partner is experiencing, but also b) if there’s even anything to change. this brings us to

step 2: accept that pussy has a smell and a taste, and that smell and taste is part of the game. You don’t have to love your smell (although I do, indeed, love mine), but you do have to accept that it’s there, and that your partner might love it.

step 3: treat your body well. drink lots of water, don’t smoke (or if you do smoke, cut back a little), eat as well as you can. Your vagina is one piece of a whole system. You cannot disconnect how you treat the whole with what you expect from the piece.

step 4: if, after sniffing and tasting, and accepting what you’ve sniffed and tasted, and you quit smoking and have kept hydrated and discovered you really liked fruits and vegetables, if after all this you still feel the need to alter what your lover swabs with their tongue when they get their munch on, then I recommend a quick rinse off before the mouth and the snatch meet. Don’t douche. Don’t squirt Kool-Aid up there. Rise, gently, with some warm water, go back to the bed, and relax. Pussy has a taste, and oral sex is good, and if you get so caught up in how you taste and if your lover likes your flavor, you might miss out on some good orgasms.

butt sex and vag smells and orgasms, oh my!

ta ta,

jameson.

Recently:

Jack’s Anal book is back in Stock …yey
Not-So-Wacky Antics at the Home Office
“Distracting”…