(Ready for some TMI? Here we go.)

The first few times I masturbated I thought I was broken. I thought my body didn’t work like it was supposed to, and that there was no hope for relieving the built up tension created by David Bowie in Labrynth. Ohmygod, you don’t even know how much that tall skinny big haired magician made me tingly, and I didn’t know what to do with it. I just knew that sex was penis in vagina, and therefore masturbation must be something else in vagina (and no, I am not so into TMI that I’ll tell you what I put there).

Nothing worked. Nothing until I remembered how happy climbing the swingset felt. Finally, young Jameson struck gold. In between putting things inside and humping my hand, however, I gave up. I accepted being broken, and tried to go on with my world.

This “never mind, I didn’t want an orgasm anyway” is how a lot of women think when it comes to their bodies and their pleasure. Many people misinterpret this mindset as disinterest, playing off the whole “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” nonsense that does nothing but reinforce boring stereotypes. I don’t believe women prefer chocolate to sex, and I don’t think women care more about romance than fucking.

That having been said, when a woman does decide to take control of her sexuality, she’s often told a vibe is her best option. At work, at least one person a day asks “Which vibrator will give me an orgasm?!” Instead of rambling on about how this one has pulsation and that one is waterproof and these “tickle your nib!”, I talk about being relaxed, and having patience with your body. I suggest exploring different sensations on your own before trying them with your partner. I reccomend porn and erotica to help get yourself in the mood, so orgasms are a part of feeling good and not a part of feeling pressured.

I also let customers know that most female bodies reach orgasm through clit contact, not penetration. Most, not all. Some pussies really like to be pounded. I understand completely. Sometimes all you want is the warm hole to be filled. Last night I dreamt I was fucking two dildos at once, and then looked at the Beauty Beads (which I don’t even own) and thought “I can get those in there too! I know I can!!”. But as I learned back in the day, outside is quite often where it’s at. The point here is that your body wants what it wants. The trick, however, is learning to recognize those wants and turn them into realities. Be your own best lay.
The moral of the story? Trust yourself, touch yourself, and maintain your daily celebration of Masturbation Month.

remembering Bowie’s leggings with a smile,

.jameson.

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