Category: 
The MySpace message I sent to a hot girl on December 8, 2005:
Subject: Have I met you before?
Body: if not, I think I would like to.
She responded with “I don’t think so, but maybe soon.” and then, “Um, yeah, can we arrange that somehow? I think I would like to, also.”
And then (this is the most important part) I sent her my phone number, and the MySpacing stopped. We met at a bar, went dancing, and my slutty ass forced her to take me home that night.
MySexSpace Lesson Number One:
Do not send millions of emails back and forth before you actually meet the person you’re MySpacing. As we should all know by now, everyone is different in emails. Also, why delay the face to face meet up? The longer you put off the real date, the more awkward that real date will be. The only exception to this rule is if your new flame lives in Washington and you live in California (or something like that). And even then, phone calls are massively preferable to emails.
MySexSpace Lesson Number Two:
Look at their comments. See what their friends say about them. Do they have lots of “Thanks for the Add, but who are you?” or “I can’t believe you went to work drunk! Rock On!” ? Maybe this person wouldn’t be the best date. Also check on their top 8 (or ten or twelve, or whatever). Are they included in their top 8’s top 8s? (example: if Rusty has Captain, Jameson, and Belladonna, but Belladonna, Jameson, and Captain don’t have Rusty, you might be dealing with a crazy leprechaun). Do they put only the cool kids in their top 8, or is their Uncle Bob in there, too (which would be sweet, in my opinion)?
MySexSpace Rule Number Three:
Don’t set your profile to private! I think that option is fantastic for people who use MySpace to stay connected to their friends across the country. However, if you’re trying to get laid and are actively stalking potential fucks through the internet, let yourself be found by someone who is also searching for singles. By keeping your page private, you’re continuing the cycle of pass-the-girlfriend/boyfriend around. This happens in straight and gay circles often enough on it’s own. Let some newbies in!
MySexSpace Rule Number Four:
Don’t write about your date in your public blog. Don’t post comments on their page until at least, what, maybe a month of dating? MySpace makes it easy to kiss and tell, before you even know what you want to say. Resist the urge.
MySexSpace Rule Number Five:
Be yourself on your page. Don’t list porn as a hobby if you’ve never seen one, don’t write “anything except country” in your favorite music section when you secretly dance to the dixie chicks naked, and don’t lie about your age.
Oh, and lastly, not as a rule but a suggestion: if you put slutty pictures on your page (which is totally okay in my opinion), don’t be suprised or annoyed when random dudes and/or your boss find those pictures and send you messages. MySpace is a public place, and everyone is looking.
Conclusion:
MySpace gives you lots of tools to figure out if someone is to your taste. Use those tools! Read their blogs, check their grammar, flip through their pictures. check their relationship status. If their whole page sucks and you notice the last time they were on was April of 2006, don’t judge them for having a life outside of MySpace. It happens.
After my one-night-stand-turned-over-a-year-and-a-half-relationship experience on MySpace, I can no longer doubt the potential of finding love through the internet.
(and one of my best friends married a man who posted a missed connection about her on craigslist).
loving technology and my wifey,
jameson.
