On thursday a coworker and I went to stare at the protesters walking in two awkward circles in front of the Armory. There poorly organized, fewer in number than I had expected, and quiet in their chanting. Sad. Their signs read: Kink.Gone, Stop the $exploitation, and (my personal favorite) No Dead End Jobs.

See, the funny part about this is that 1. Kink.com has already bought the building. Walking in circles in the rain does nothing but get you wet and dizzy. 2. “Sexploitation” is a big word that doesn’t exactly apply to the folks who work there. I know more than one person employed by Kink.hella money and they’re not complaining. 3. Dead end jobs? Are you serious? Porn isn’t going anywhere, kids. The industry is supported by everyone. Including (I’m guessing) even those who protest it.

Moving on:
I tried shopping for fancy underwear today. This was not fun. I am not a teeny girl. I am not a small, or medium. Depending on where I shop, I am not even a large.

Tip #1:
When your goal is to buy fancy underwear that makes you feel sexy, start your day as hot as you can. Masturbate before you leave the house. Listen to music that makes you happy. Wear something that you feel hot in. And wear heels or tall boots. Standing in a bra and underwear and fuck-me heels is a very different experience than almost naked and barefoot. One makes you feel all badass, the other, vulnerable.
This method of preventing the I-hate-shopping-and-almost-myself also works for finding a bathing suit. If you start your shopping trip wearing something that makes you feel frumpy or pinched and uncomfortable, putting those clothes back on won’t be so fun after you take off the fifth bra in a row that squishes your back fat. Sexy is up to you. Plan accordingly.

Tip #2:
For Valentine’s Day, the perfect gift: A night in a cheap hotel. A portable DVD player. The dirtiest porn you can find. At GV, I’d reccomend Desparate Housewives or The Fashionistas. Both movies contain spitting, slapping, gagging and runny mascara. Romance is easy. Sluttyfucking is priceless.

Tip #3:
Love. Love love love all you can, all year round. No, I don’t believe sex is better when you’re in love than when you’re not. I honestly think that’s a bunch of nonsense, and sadly sets up many for disappointment. Sex is better when you’re honest with yourself and your partner. Being in love is fantastic, but loving yourself, and loving (relishing, even) feeling sexy and wanted and desirable is the true secret to amazing sex.
But then why do I say to love love love? Because loving makes you a better person. And it feels good.

So feel good, okay?
Happy early Valentine’s Day,
.jameson.

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