Category: 
A woman recently asked the following question in the “comments” section of this blog:
“My boyfriend comes before i do how do i get him to make me come first?”
It’s funny how much my answer to this question has changed over the years. I used to be a super SESA and head for the vibrating cock rings and fingertip vibes and position books and excitedly detail all the benefits of “exploration” and vibration.
Now, however, I ask more questions. Have you talked to him about this? What gets you off? Does he “make you come” after he’s done, or does his orgasm signal the end of sex for the night? What would be your perfect scenario for sex?
This last question sometimes gets funny looks. “Shouldn’t that be obvious?” is what customer’s eyes say to me, and I say back “No, it’s not. We all want different things.” And this is where people open up.
Do you want to come at the same time? Do you want to come at the same time from penetration alone? Do you want g-spot orgams, or maybe more attention to your clit from his fingers; do you want to feel comfortable enough to touch yourself while he’s inside you? Do you want him to go down on you before he goes inside you, because oral sex is how you love getting off? Do you want him to know that your orgasm is just as important as his?
These are all questions within “What do you want?” While an orgasm from your boyfriend might be the goal, the way of getting there could be entirely different, depending on the details. My sex tip would be to think about these questions, and to figure out what is missing. I reccomend doing this before you talk to your partner about it. Sex is not always an easy thing to talk about, and getting your bearings and knowing what you want before the conversation starts could be a way of keeping your focus.
If you find that you need more “foreplay” (a word I do not adore, because it implies that there’s a BEFORE sex and then there’s the real SEX, when this is not the case), let your boyfriend know this. Women often need more “warm up”, for a variety of reasons.
If you find that you want more oral sex (which many women respond quite favorably to; I’ve known more than one woman who could only get off through a mouth on their bits), let your boyfriend know this. We have great books on how to give head.
If you find that what you really want is to be able to come from penetration alone, there are two things I would suggest: try different positioning that makes your g-spot more in the line of his penis (and read up on the g-spot), and know that most women cannot reach orgasm from this kind of sex, without some sort of clit stimulation.
If you find that your boyfriend simply doesn’t value your orgasm as much as his own, and you’ve talked to him about this, I reccomend finding a different boyfriend.
For Valentine’s Day, request a night that is all about your sexual pleasure. And be prepared for it! Back up that request with specific things you want done to your body! Not giving some direction would be like saying “I want the best dinner EVER!” without telling your date what you like to eat. You are responsible for your pleasure and happiness.
I hope that helped….
…see, I sometimes still include sex tips in my sextips blog!….
.jameson.
