Category: 
Well, not scream. Gently remind, perhaps. You, adults betwen the ages of 18 and 35, you need to listen up. What I have to say could change your life.
Ooh, big words for such a short lady, I know. But here’s the deal: If you do not change the way you think about and do sex now, while you’re young, you are setting yourself up for a world of sexual disappointment.
In the store, every day, I help people my age who think that sex is (and can only be) one way: Missionary position. With your girlfriend or boyfriend. In love. No Lube. No toys. In bed, lights out. Nothing but you and them and penis in vagina and mutual orgasm. ( How often does sex really happen like this? How often do you really want sex to happen like this?) Deviations from this plan are explained away by words like “naughty”, and simplified as experiments with “spicing it up”. According to all we’re taught, you are allowed to stray for a night or a weekend, but nothing should ever replace “The Real Thing.”
Listen Up:
If you do not open your mind to what sex is and can be, not only will you be in for a suprise when missionary position hurts your hips ’cause time has taken hold, or when your partner says “I want to tie you up”, or when your future son or daughter is gay, or when you want to have sex in the afternoon on the couch but don’t because you have never fucked not on the bed, no. You are not only setting yourself up for suprise, but denying yourself immense potential pleasure.
There is so much more to sex than penis vagina hump hump come.
How about making sex something that adapts to what you want and need? Too tired to crawl on top of your partner and thrust away until one of you comes and the other sighs and you both roll over and fall asleep? Really just want to watch porn and masturbate? Watch porn with your partner. Touch each other or yourselves. Does this count as sex? In my world it does.
Why Not.
What do you have to lose? What is really gained by having such a narrow definition of sex? You might totally get off on power play and you would never even know it if you didn’t try it out. Why not give your body more oppurtunites to get wet and happy? I don’t understand.
If you look at lube and think “Ha! Not for me! Only sorry dry old ladies use that!”, you are A) wrong, B) ageist, and C) denying the fact that you, too, will one day be a “sorry dry old lady” who will, indeed, need lube. Get used to the slippery happiness now. Squirt some on your lover, squirt some on yourself. Love it. It loves you.
If you think that the only way a woman should climax during sex is by the magical thrusts of her male partner’s penis, you are not alone. You are, however, facing an uphill battle. Coming from missionary position fucking is possible for some women, but few. Not all. Maybe not you. Using your hands on yourself while your lover thrusts away is completely okay, enjoyable, and sexy. Strapping a vibrating cock ring on your dude’s dick is also hot, and hands free at that. Humping the Hitachi while he does you from behind = glorious ‘gasms. Why the extra parts involved (fingers vibes lawn-mower-loud “massagers”)? Because most women need some form of clit stimulation to come. Plain and simple. Ignoring this fact now does nothing but stretch out the length of time between you coming during sex and you wishing you could come during sex.
Pentetration alone rarely brings women to orgasm.
Can I say that again? Yes. It’s my blog, I can do whatever I want. So here: Penetration alone rarely brings women to orgasm. And? You are not defective or unsexy if you need (want or enjoy) some clit rubbing while you’re getting pounded. You are as “normal” as you were before, or as you want to be.
What if he doesn’t love you any more when you say that you’ve been faking it for years and now you want him to touch you while you’re sexing? Well, my dear, you deserve a partner who cares more about your pleasure than his pride. Faking is not an answer, but neither is still faking when you know what could get you off. Hurt feelings are better than mounds of lies (in my opinion. Always, kids, this is my opinion).
Reading through this and saying “duh. Jameson, we know all this already”? Well, congradulations. But most people don’t. Tell a friend to read this. Or just tell them what it says.
K? This is your task for the holiday. Bring it up over dinner. That would be fun.
Always one for uncomfortable and yet amazingly productive household conversation,
.jameson.
