Last night, washing the vegetables bought at the farmer’s market on Treasure Island, I pretended to hump ladyfriend with the cucumber (remember, 17 year old boy, me). She laughed (how could she not) and then we chatted about sex with vegetables and she was suprised when I told her that I reccomend veggies to custies.

What?

Yup. Here’s the deal: You’re a woman who wants a dildo, but you’ve never had one before. You have no idea where to start size-wise, and you don’t want to drop over $100 on something that might not fit. So you come to GV and you ask me and I tell you to spend $5 on vegetables and $1 on Premium condoms, and figure out what size you like best. Cucumbers, carrots, banannas, oh yes. Then you come back to GV, thank me, and buy yourself a fancy dildo.

Why put a condom on a piece of food that’s obviously not going to get you pregnant or give you an STI? The condom will:

A) protect your delicate parts from the produce pesticides, and
B) keep the veggies clean for the salad later.

Vegetables also make great makeshift dildos for those of us who already own WAY too many sex toys but don’t have immediate access to our toyboxes.

Simple, cheap, and edible.

.jameson.

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