Good Vibrations Magazine

A few nights ago I had a dream about Oprah. She came into the store and I was her SESA (Sex Educator/ Sales Associate) and I sold her a Mr. Right.

I woke up to my girlfriend humping my leg and although this never annoys me (I think it’s awfully cute and who can really complain about sex in the middle of the night?) that night I was a little frustrated because not only was I deep sleeping but I was deep dreaming about Oprah packing.

Some of you beautiful readers might not know what Mr. Right is. Let me explain. Mr. Right is a silicone soft pack. A soft pack is a fake, lifelike dick worn by people who weren’t born with a real one. The Mr. Right gives a realistic bulge, and is quite comfortably worn when coupled with the Packing Strap (which I think I was also trying to sell to Oprah). Why would someone want a fake dick that can’t be used for penetration? (they are quite soft and nice to hold). Because most men don’t have erections 24/7, so trying to pass (for a night, a week, a lifetime) with a 7″ silicone rod tenting your pants could prove a little difficult.

An excellent article written by one of my favorite blue-eyed guys is here, in the GV Weekly. Sailor explains a bit more on packing, with more info on the hows and wheres.

Simply disconnected but oh so linked in the “education of gender”, where not all lessons are as revolutionary as trans possibility and self-identification:

For fun and frustration, here are some reasons why it’s “Good to Be a Guy” from jokes.christiansunite.org:

30) You almost never have strap problems in public.

21) Same work… more pay.

6) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

7) You don’t have to learn to spell a new last name.

Lastly, from the same website, which claims to provide clean jokes for happy christians, some “Wisdom on the Sexes.” No jokes are allowed to take the lord’s name in vain, but they can tell you all this. Sex jokes are dangerous; gender assumptions are not?….enjoy, if you will:

- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- The Style: Men wake up as good looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
- A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn’t want.
- To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
- Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.
- Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her, a man, of the woman who didn’t.
- There are two times a man doesn’t understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
- Husbands: Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her way, and the other is to let her have it.
- Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
- Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use in two people remembering the same thing.
- The Battle: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

…jameson.