(and what kind of blogger are you, really, if you don’t write a lil’ drunk at least once?)

Handing out lube samples at the Folsom St. Fair so many women looked at me like I was offering to fuck them right there, right then. Their faces (on top of necks connected to torsos wearing fancy things like polos and tank tops and pleated khaki shorts and expensive shoes and pedicures and more) vibrated such disgust and denial.

“Lube? No thanks. Eh.”

Implied: “I don’t need it, thanks. Never have never will.”

Nonsense, women. Nonsense. I do not believe you and I never will, but I will, in the store, and in my heart, respect your right to make decisions about your life and your sexuality. This is the root of what I do. But we all need lube, honey.

More:

So jealous of my dog. He has no choice but to show how happy he is. His tail just wags. Outta nowhere. He can’t stop it. He’s happy and it shows without his consent because he’s a cute lil’ pit bull mix kinda dog. We are not like this. Our choices make us who we are but choosing not to show happiness or sadness is a choice I make (we all do, at times) that I’m neither sure nor proud of. It took me weeks to confess to my best friend that I missed her immensly after she moved to NY from SF (and even then it was drunkenly, in a text message). Another good friend just called and I stopped myself from saying “Ohmygod I just want to see your face. You have been so busy and so gone and I miss you, and I love you.”

Sweet sweet gf knows and I tell her anyway. But even there, telling too much is always a risk. Only what you accept and hold can you actually lose. What you earn is all that can hurt you when you fuck it up.

I used to love to fly. Never scared, never sick, never bored or lonely or shaky. Now I hesitate. I get distracted. I still love the idea of flying (and here I remind myself of why I loved it to begin with: that this is one of the few times when nothing is expected of you and you can just be), but never in my life have I felt like I have had more to lose than now. Never.

I have earned where I am and who I am and what I am doing and this scares the shit out of me.

How does this apply to sextips? I have no idea. (and this is a lie and I’m sure you can find the connection)
but I still wish you well,
and a good night.

.jameson.

Recently:

the dyke, on getting a husband.