Good Vibrations Magazine

I just noticed Jameson’s last post where she expresses shock about the news article “Janet Jackson reveals she had good sex even when she was fat”. I totally share her dismay at how people are shocked that plumper bodies experience good sex. Why should that be so shocking to them! As a body image activist, the thing that concerns me most about that article is the fact that they use the phrase “even when” as if it is some strange fluke experience.

Two years ago when I was a student at UC Berkeley I did a research project entitled “Body image, Attractiveness and Romantic relationships”. I proved, using scientifically accepted methods that the size, shape or attractiveness of a person’s physical appearance has absolutely no affect on how happy, sexual or romantically successful that person is.
If a person feels comfortable within their body and has a positive self esteem, they are more likely to have good sex. If an individual has low self esteem or feels badly about their body, they are less likely to have good sex.

Essentially what this means is that if you have the perfect model body and face but feel bad about yourself, your sex life and relationships will suffer no matter how beautiful you are. If you believe that you don’t deserve good sex, its going to be hard to experience good sex!

On the flip side, even if you are horribly disfigured, if you believe that you are worthy of a good sex life, then you are much more likely to experience good sex, have healthy romantic relationships and feel better about yourself overall.

My sex life as a fat girl is way more satisfying than it was when I was starving myself to try and fit into what I believed society expected of me. When I was a teenager I believed that to be worthy of love, I had to be thin. For years I struggled with believing that if I were just a few inches thinner that I would be more loveable. The partners that I attracted were judgmental, insecure and believed that having a “hot babe” on their arm upped their social value. Once I learned to embrace my body in whatever form it needs to take, I began to orgasm more regularly, found partners who were less judgmental and enjoyed my sex life much more. The partners that I attract now are emotionally secure, loving, confident and sexual. They see me as beautiful just as I am and are able to accept the fact that you don’t have to be a size two to be sexy.

Recently, Madrid decided that it would ban ultra skinny model from participating in a top fashion show. Any model with a BMI (body mass index) of under 18 was banned from participating. Immediately many in the fashion industry responded in anger, screaming that fashion cannot be blamed for eating disorders and that it was discrimination against ultra thin women who are naturally that size and do not participate in unhealthy eating patterns.

Wouldn’t it be nice if the fashion industry were able to draw a parallel between the decisions impact on naturally thin models and the industry’s impact on naturally curvy or short models? Wouldn’t it be fabulous if suddenly they said, hey…that 5’8 minimum height requirement is discriminatory; we should acknowledge that many women aren’t that tall! Sadly, that will never happen, but I can dream!!!!

I think that women can be sexy at all sizes, ranging from ultra skinny to super sized. What turns me on physically is that glow that goes along with a happy and healthy person. Our world has a tendency to think in terms of black and white. If skinny is good than fat is bad. If straight is normal than gay is abnormal. We don’t live in a cartoon world of good v.s. evil; it’s all a bunch of crap! Sometimes I think the key to all of this is accepting that the world is a continuum of experiences, sizes, shapes, colors, etc.

I say let the ultra skinny models walk the catwalk and instead screen them for eating disorders. Drop the size requirements and show clothing on women who might actually buy them! Have size 24 models at Lane Bryant! Let shorter women model petite clothing! Seriously….alternate sizes aren’t threatening to fashion…I swear!

Yes, Janet Jackson can have good sex with a belly. Yes, her loving boyfriend thought she was hot. OF COURSE he did. Once people learn to accept the fact that fat and skinny are not involved in a cage match for superiority, perhaps they’ll learn to accept the fact that all women, no matter what their size, can be sexy, sensual and loved.