This post is in response to the comment…

“I don’t know what to say! I think this is “me”…and that I’m the only one who has this problem! Please, please - I need more advice. I had a hysterectomy 8 years ago and have trouble having that physical wave of horniness that comes over you. When I used to have this - it was easy for orgasms…In my head - I am always ready for sex! I enjoy it when I am with someone; but can’t quite get there! I have no problems at home with my vibrators and a good porn..but now I just think it’s all in my head! Since I know I am a “slow burn”…I have trouble “letting go” during sex with a man…any other suggestions to help me “better focus” during sex?”

Thank you so much for posting your comment. Let me start with the disclaimer that I am not a medical doctor, so double check my comments with your MD. Having a hysterectomy does often change the way you experience sexuality. After a hysterectomy, uterine contractions that accompany an orgasm no longer occur (some women are very sensitive to these contractions while others barely notice them). If ovaries are removed along with the uterus hormonal changes in testosterone and estrogen levels can also change the way that your body responds sexually. There is also the possibility that some nerves were damaged during the surgery. It is getting more and more common for doctors to use “nerve sparing” techniques to minimize the impact on sexual functioning. The good news is that after a hysterectomy the ability to orgasm does tend to improve over time. Women five to twenty years after surgery reported more frequent orgasms than women who had the procedure within the past two years.Some women actually report BETTER orgasms after a hysterectomy!
You should talk with your medical doctor about your specific case; s/he should be able to provide some enlightening information on how your specific surgery may have affected your sexuality and may be able to help!

The fact that you are able to reach orgasm alone says a lot! Another factor is that hysterectomies can change vaginal and cervical sensation more than clitoral sensation. Perhaps your experienced hands along with your vibrator are able to tap into both your desire and physical responses in a way that partners take longer to figure out. Technique could be an issue!

Desire is both mental and physical which is why it is often so hard to come up with conclusive reasons for why orgasms vary. Often problems are cognitive “shut up brain” physical “god im tired” and related to desire “why is it that I don’t want to fuck!” Throughout my life my desire and ability to orgasm have varied depending on the time of month, depression, medication, dehydration, partner support, fatigue and even the weather!

Often the best thing to do is to stop worrying so much about orgasm as the goal and just enjoy the connectedness and good feelings that sex can bring. Sometimes better focus is actually learning NOT to focus as our other commented mentioned! Orgasms are just a very small part of what makes sex so wonderful after all! Enjoy the pleasure that every moment brings.

Recently:

Shut up brain I wanna cum (The Cognitive Distraction Phenomenon)
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