Dearest Blog Readers,

I have a couple of stories that I’d like to share with you. These are experiences that people have shared with me specifically for this blog posting (although the names and some details have been changed to protect the innocent…and the guilty too I suppose!)

We are all guilty of allowing cognitive distractions to wreck our sex play at one time or another and I’m here to help you learn how to not be at its mercy any longer!

Story 1

Jack is a tall, handsome, heterosexual man. Late one night he found himself in the company of a woman named Jill whom he had being lusting after for many years. Throughout their friendship he had a habit of bragging about how he could stay hard forever. On this particular night, when she reached out and planted a long passionate kiss on him, memories of all of the stories he had told her about his sexual prowess began to cloud his mind. When she pressed her body against him, he backed away, suddenly aware that his worrying had killed his erection. Jill suddenly “remembered” that she had forgotten to feed her dog and left abruptly. Jack was heartbroken and from that day on, he had so much worry about maintaining an erection with new partners that he dreaded first encounters with new women.

Several months later Jack found himself in bed with a new partner, Sarah. Jack knew that even if he did have erectile problems that Sarah would most likely stay by his side. He felt safe and comfortable with her, yet still during that first night with her, he was scared to death about getting it up. He contemplated Viagra, alcohol consumption and the possibility of telling her that he wanted to please her orally so that he could just leave his pants on and get her off without worry. In the end, Jack decided that he had to get over his fear and attempted to make love to Sarah.

At first, Jack was swept up in the moment and was rock solid but when Sarah ripped open a condom wrapper and began greedily staring at his hard cock he suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about how he couldn’t get it up for Jill. Suddenly, his penis went slightly limp and Jack began to panic. He tried thinking about how sexy Sarah was, picturing Angelina Jolie in a bikini and other images of hot girl on girl action that he normally would think of when masturbating but no matter what he did his mind kept returning to the phrase “Get it up. Get it up. Get it up. Get it up.” Eventually he asked her if he could pleasure her instead and gave her a mind blowing orgasm with his mouth and fingers, the whole time thinking, “I’m such a loser, I can’t even get it up”.

Story 2

Jill was a sexy woman but for some reason she never felt like she was. She believed that her thighs were too large and even when she was by herself playing with her favorite sex toys it took her forever to reach an orgasm. With a partner, it tended to take even longer and she was extremely self conscious about it. She had hidden a crush for her friend Jack for a very long time because she believed that she wasn’t hot enough for a man like him.
One day after a party, Jill decided to finally take a risk and planted a massive kiss on Jack. He pulled away suddenly and she KNEW that it had to be because she was too fat for him. She went home and cried, vowing to never hit on a man again.

Weeks later, Jill met a new man named Craig and started a relationship with him. The first few times they had sex, she didn’t even try to have an orgasm. As soon as he ejaculated, she would tell him what an amazing lover he was and fall asleep in his arms.

Craig was aware that he hadn’t made Jill orgasm, even though she had a tendency to overact a bit during intercourse. He knew he was a capable lover but somehow didn’t know how to bring the subject up so he just kept his thoughts to himself and vowed to eventually find a way to make her cum.

On Valentines Day, Craig surprised Jill with a Rabbit Pearl and told him that the day was all about her pleasure. Jill was surprised and flattered that he was so concerned about her pleasure but still was afraid that she would let him down if she couldn’t climax.

As Craig began slowly thrusting the shaft of the Rabbit in and out of Jill’s love tunnel, Jill felt waves of ecstasy that were very close to orgasmic. She thought to herself “Oh my god I’m cumming how can that be? I’m almost there. Cum on. Cum on. Cum on. Why aren’t you cumming? Why is this taking so long? God it feels so good! What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I cum? He must be getting tired. Oh no his eyes are on my thighs and they’re fat. Cum on. Cum on. Cum on. Damn it! Damn it! What is he looking at now? What is he thinking”. Jill never had an orgasm that night although she did fake one hoping that he wouldn’t notice.

These two stories illustrate just a few of the ways in which cognitive distractions can seriously fuck up your love life. Sometimes distractions can be simple thoughts like, “Did we leave a candle burning in the living room?”, “Did I pay the phone bill” or “My landlord is going to hear us I need to be quiet” while other times they can be deeper thoughts about self worth, body image and sexual ability “she thinks my cock is too small” or “he thinks it smells like fish”. In either case the results can be devastating to a person if he or she allows it to become a cycle of negative distractions.

Now that you have an understanding of what cognitive distraction looks like, you can combat some of the negative
effects and take control of your sex life once again!

A two step plan to combating cognitive distraction

Recognize that it’s normal!

Sometimes your mind is going to wander. It doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you. Distractions themselves aren’t the problem, its obsessing over them that becomes a problem.

Talk about some of your experiences with friends. Sometimes hearing about how other people have experienced similar problems can be a huge help. If you’re comfortable sharing your experiences publicly please post them as a response to this thread. The more stories we hear, the more normal we all feel.

Communicate with your partner

If you have specific sexual concerns that are distracting you, have a conversation with your partner about them. Jill eventually had a talk with Craig about her concerns and he helped her feel at ease. He told her that it was alright if she didn’t have an orgasm as long as she was enjoy it and that he loved being able to perform oral sex on her for hours. He also assured her that if he was even the slightest bit tired he would stop. This simple act of taking the pressure to orgasm off of her allowed Jill to stop worrying about taking too long and soon she was having regular orgasms.

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