I think it’s because my girlfriend just bought me a new shirt (see below), but I’ve been thinking a lot about the good old 80’s lately.

And it doesn’t hurt that my favorite queer bar in the city plays nothing but 80’s hit, bless their gay souls!…or maybe it’s because my 20-year high school reunion is coming up (I can see it now: “So, Judi what have you been doing since 1987?” “Oh, you know, coming out, adopting pit bulls, getting tattoos and selling dildos…how about you?”) Anyway…there’s no denying it—the 80’s were hot. (And hey, I wasn’t even having sex for most of it!)

The air (and MTV) was just filled with sex, sex and more sex. Do you remember Madonna in the Burning Up video? Ah I do: her glistening skin with a hint of sweat on her upper lip, close-ups of her lip-sticked lips and gap between her teeth (hot), her writhing on hot cement, arms covered in rubber, a dog-chain pulled tight across her throat. And don’t even get me started about the Borderline video and that shot of her tummy (which was still a little fleshy. I miss your flesh, Madonna!). I could go on and on, you see….

Excuse me while I sip something cold.

And there’s more. Cyndi and her she-bopping, Wham’s careless whispers, Duran Duran’s hungry wolf women, Prince and his corvette, Depeche Mode and their master and servant, the Cure and their lovecats…all of it so dreamy, sticky and sexy. And oh, the Gender ambiguity! There were BOY belts worn by girls, Boy George, and Boy toys. Corsets, bangles and low-slung belts. Fishnet, stilettos and lace gloves. And sometimes it was a boy wearing these, and sometimes a girl. Whatever…it was the 80’s! Fluidity was king.

Apparently I’m not the only person who thinks the 80’s were hot. VH1’s show Retrosexual—The 80’s features segments like “Hotties”, “Sex Sells” and “Teen Sex”. In one episode Malcolm-Jamal Warner (Theo from The Cosby Show) wears a shirt that says, “Never take off your rubber no matter how fine she is”, and discusses women in spandex (he’s pro spandex…I’m on the fence about that one).

And I just have to end this with one name: Lisa Bonet. Thank you for all of the adolescent fantasies, Denise Huxtable. Thank you for crimping your hair, wearing shirts with broaches and funky hats.

And thank you for Angel Heart.

Totally

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